Have you ever wondered if the multiverse is real? Did you somehow think another universe might be existing and an "other self" lives? Other people might think this is a silly theory, but I wish it really exists.
When I was young, I always found happiness in gazing at the beautiful galaxy above and hoping to catch a falling star and make a wish. I dreamed of a perfect life not only for myself but for all my family members. But fate led me to a road that no one wishes to take. I didn't get the chance to grow up with a complete family, I got bullied at school several times, I didn't get high enough grades and, worst of all, my mom got sick while raising me and my siblings on her own.
After my graduation, I left home and looked for a job, thinking it would help sustain my family's needs, especially my mom's medication. I worked so hard that I even came to work on weekends to earn more. I wanted to work like that until mom could take a break from her job. But after more than a year, I got pregnant with my first child and stopped supporting my family. I was so devastated inside, thinking that this was not the life I had planned for myself. But then I got optimistic that everything would turn out just fine.
But, as I slowly adjusted to a new life, fate struck again. Mom died after a year and it left me with so much pain I couldn't bear. I thought this life was so unfair.
I started to question why destiny had crushed me hard, when all I ever wanted was a life of happiness. After mom died, I did not look at the beautiful night sky the same way again. I turned my back on wishing on falling stars, too. Still, despite the hurt, I never showed my weakness in front of everyone, especially to my child. I kept it all to myself, with no words and no trace of tears on my face. I kept it all in my heart, especially the part where I wanted to give up and not want to live again.
That's when I started to dream of a parallel universe, I wished there was a portal that would lead me to another world and help me escape from all this pain. A world where I could start a new life, where negative feelings and emotions didn't exist. A new place where there was no illness or even painful death, and where every wish came true.
Some fiction stories say there is a person exactly like you who lives in another universe. I couldn't help thinking about it, and was hoping that my "other self" was not experiencing the same pain I had been through. I wished that she was successful in her career, that her mom was not sick and was still living with her; and most of all, that she already gave back all the sacrifices her mom had made for her. I also prayed that she would grow up with her father, too, and have all the things she always wanted.
Soon, though, I woke up to the real world and felt this strong guilt. I realized that life is not perfect no matter how I wish it would be. It is full of pain and sorrow, but life is not all that bad, either. I may have been raised by a single parent, but mom gave me all her love enough for two. I may have been bullied, but I grew up stronger and learned how to defend and stand up for myself. I didn't get good enough grades, but I successfully graduated from college and made my mom proud. I had my first child at a young age, but I believe my loving husband and I are raising her well.
When God entrusted me with my second bundle of joy, that's when I fully understood that in this lifetime people will come and go, and you must love and care for everyone with no regrets.
Oftentimes we need some space to free ourselves from pain, escape from harsh reality, and heal from the depression that we silently fight. I hope we all have this place to go to whenever we want to break free and be comforted, just as this song from BTS says: "On days where I hate myself for being me, on days where I want to disappear forever, let's make a door, it's in your heart. Open the door and this place will await, Magic Shop."
Healing ourselves doesn't mean running to faraway places, because healing will always start in our hearts. You may feel that you are a lost star, but someone out there is wandering on a dark road and your shining light is guiding them home. Accepting and forgiving will always be the key; our family and friends are our guiding stars, and the galaxy that we live in is a beautiful one. Life may be exceedingly hard at times, but I am now confident that I will make it through. My husband and my kids are my universe — they will always be.
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Tonneth Mariscotes Cornelio, 28, is a stay-at-home mom with two adorable kids. She is a huge BTS fan.
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